Today I had an unexpected visit from my neighbor. She has been aware of my being stuck in a wheelchair for the past four weeks and has been rather supportive. Today she informed me that she was going to clean my house. Before I could say anything she added that she was not taking no for an answer. So the work began.
Now, I am not one to just sit around while someone is cleaning my house. Today I was directed to do exactly that. She vacuumed, polished, scrubbed and did everything I would usually do, but haven't been able to do. The house looks amazing, everything just shines, but there is something wrong.
I know I should feel happy, but I look around and feel like crying.
I know the best of intentions were there, but I feel so helpless. I've always been self-sufficient, always took good care of my own house. My neighbor spent nearly five hours cleaning and for that I am grateful. I just can't get past the feeling that it wasn't right.
I feel more sad now than I did when my house was dirty.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Chosen family
I had a wonderful birthday lunch with my chosen family.
I've always believed that I have chosen special people in my life to become "chosen family" so I didn't feel the loneliness that I would otherwise feel being an orphan. After my parents passed, I found my life to be exceptionally lonely. My siblings walked away from me, after mom & dad passed there was nothing in common holding us together anymore. My eldest sister told me after both my parents were gone that the man I knew as my dad was not my biological dad. Needless to say, I don't strive to maintain contact when there is nothing but hurt there. Although when they need something I can provide, my siblings always pick up the phone to call.
On the other hand my "chosen" sister, Misty, is an amazing, warm, wonderful woman to know. I feel so lucky to have found her, she reflects qualities I want to emulate. Even though she will argue this, she is fearless, caring, smart...and many other things too many to list here. I watch as she struggles with her demons, and I've had the pleasure of watching her make it to the other side. She inspires me everytime we are together.
Another chosen sister, Karen, is my crazy side, the part of me I used to be. Her devil may care attitude about life is refreshing when I get too serious about my life. She reminds me there is still crazy fun in the world and every now and then I can exchange my "big girl" panties for a thong! I'm so glad to have her in my life, too.
I am so blessed to have my chosen family. My Happy Birthday is even happier with my chosen family in it. I love you all.
I've always believed that I have chosen special people in my life to become "chosen family" so I didn't feel the loneliness that I would otherwise feel being an orphan. After my parents passed, I found my life to be exceptionally lonely. My siblings walked away from me, after mom & dad passed there was nothing in common holding us together anymore. My eldest sister told me after both my parents were gone that the man I knew as my dad was not my biological dad. Needless to say, I don't strive to maintain contact when there is nothing but hurt there. Although when they need something I can provide, my siblings always pick up the phone to call.
On the other hand my "chosen" sister, Misty, is an amazing, warm, wonderful woman to know. I feel so lucky to have found her, she reflects qualities I want to emulate. Even though she will argue this, she is fearless, caring, smart...and many other things too many to list here. I watch as she struggles with her demons, and I've had the pleasure of watching her make it to the other side. She inspires me everytime we are together.
Another chosen sister, Karen, is my crazy side, the part of me I used to be. Her devil may care attitude about life is refreshing when I get too serious about my life. She reminds me there is still crazy fun in the world and every now and then I can exchange my "big girl" panties for a thong! I'm so glad to have her in my life, too.
I am so blessed to have my chosen family. My Happy Birthday is even happier with my chosen family in it. I love you all.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
I hate school.
Okay, I'm 44, so a statement like that is childish. But today, I got my ass chewed by a teacher, so dammit, I HATE SCHOOL!!! So, here's the story:
This morning my son's teacher pulls me aside and says that she needs to talk to me. I'm used to having a lot of input from teachers and staff, so this wasn't normal. She immediately launches into, what are you feeding your child? WHAT??? This statement alone is ridiculous because my little one has all those food allergies, so his lunch sometimes looks like other kid's dreams...crackers, fruit, chips, cookies & juice. His allergies won't allow me to pack a lunch with proteins since he's allergic to all of them except for chicken and some fish. She goes on to complain that he has been overactive, so it must be the fault of the lunch contents. The only problem with that theory is that I have been packing the SAME LUNCH for the entire school year, and here it is with just a couple of weeks left and now she has a problem.
Then she launches into his behavior on the playground. It seems that the boys are getting together and doing what boys do...play battles and wars with their fingers drawn like guns. Well, this teacher says that my son has been playing this with too much realism (????) for the past few days and it needs to come to a stop. WTF???? Boys have played gun battles for decades, and NOW there's a problem? Okay, to keep the peace, I agreed to talk to him about not playing guns at school anymore. The teacher goes into how bad violence is at school...DUH! I never thought I would say it, but BOYS WILL BE BOYS!!!!
My take, the kids have just a couple of weeks left of school and they are all crazy for summer. It's been a long school year, and we are all tired. Teachers included. But back the hell off of the parents that are always at school, in constant contact with the teacher and just coast to the end of the year. It is NOT the time to stir the pot. Concentrate the time on the little gangster that extorts his classmates with $5 pencils, or the little shit that brings a lighter to school almost everyday. Leave my little man alone with his imagination. He's not doing anything wrong.
Funny, I still don't feel any better....
This morning my son's teacher pulls me aside and says that she needs to talk to me. I'm used to having a lot of input from teachers and staff, so this wasn't normal. She immediately launches into, what are you feeding your child? WHAT??? This statement alone is ridiculous because my little one has all those food allergies, so his lunch sometimes looks like other kid's dreams...crackers, fruit, chips, cookies & juice. His allergies won't allow me to pack a lunch with proteins since he's allergic to all of them except for chicken and some fish. She goes on to complain that he has been overactive, so it must be the fault of the lunch contents. The only problem with that theory is that I have been packing the SAME LUNCH for the entire school year, and here it is with just a couple of weeks left and now she has a problem.
Then she launches into his behavior on the playground. It seems that the boys are getting together and doing what boys do...play battles and wars with their fingers drawn like guns. Well, this teacher says that my son has been playing this with too much realism (????) for the past few days and it needs to come to a stop. WTF???? Boys have played gun battles for decades, and NOW there's a problem? Okay, to keep the peace, I agreed to talk to him about not playing guns at school anymore. The teacher goes into how bad violence is at school...DUH! I never thought I would say it, but BOYS WILL BE BOYS!!!!
My take, the kids have just a couple of weeks left of school and they are all crazy for summer. It's been a long school year, and we are all tired. Teachers included. But back the hell off of the parents that are always at school, in constant contact with the teacher and just coast to the end of the year. It is NOT the time to stir the pot. Concentrate the time on the little gangster that extorts his classmates with $5 pencils, or the little shit that brings a lighter to school almost everyday. Leave my little man alone with his imagination. He's not doing anything wrong.
Funny, I still don't feel any better....
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Sick and tired of sick and tired.
Once again we have an illness in our house. Charlie threw up his breakfast in his classroom this morning and was immediately sent home from school. Then he came home and threw up, initiating my six month old berber carpet, my cast, and the coffee table. I think they call this projectile vomiting, but I would call it duck and cover vomiting. Like in, as soon as the kid starts to heave, you duck and cover as much as you can. I gave him a large metal bowl for him to do his business in and proceeded to figure out how to clean up the mess.
Someone once told me that if you have vomit on carpet you should immediately dump large amounts of salt on it. So I grabbed my five pound box of kosher salt and dumped it on the stain. Now I have a wet, messy glob of salt on my floor. I try to scoop as much of it up as I can, and apply another layer of salt. I think it might be helping, although it is making a mess of my supply of kosher salt. The salt is supposed to draw the stain out of the fibers. I guess after all this salt, I will still have to drag out the steam cleaner.
I hope this round stays with the kid. I've been sick on and off for the previous three weeks, and still have no hearing in my left ear from the last infection. I don't think I could handle another illness at this point.
Or maybe I could just run away from home.....
Someone once told me that if you have vomit on carpet you should immediately dump large amounts of salt on it. So I grabbed my five pound box of kosher salt and dumped it on the stain. Now I have a wet, messy glob of salt on my floor. I try to scoop as much of it up as I can, and apply another layer of salt. I think it might be helping, although it is making a mess of my supply of kosher salt. The salt is supposed to draw the stain out of the fibers. I guess after all this salt, I will still have to drag out the steam cleaner.
I hope this round stays with the kid. I've been sick on and off for the previous three weeks, and still have no hearing in my left ear from the last infection. I don't think I could handle another illness at this point.
Or maybe I could just run away from home.....
Monday, March 1, 2010
Life in General
What the hell happened to February?
I know it is the shortest month of the year, but damn it, I didn't even notice it was gone.
Well, let's take inventory...school, swim lessons, inlaws visit, bad cold, crazy idiot killed a good man, funeral, cough and cold, ear infection, pinkeye.
Okay, I think this is a February I want to forget.
Too bad the cold, ear infection and pinkeye made it to March. Thanks hubby and son for all the great gifts. Next time I'll take the flowers. Cold from hubby, ear infection from son, pinkeye from hubby. I just want to take a bath in a vat of Clorox.
I know it is the shortest month of the year, but damn it, I didn't even notice it was gone.
Well, let's take inventory...school, swim lessons, inlaws visit, bad cold, crazy idiot killed a good man, funeral, cough and cold, ear infection, pinkeye.
Okay, I think this is a February I want to forget.
Too bad the cold, ear infection and pinkeye made it to March. Thanks hubby and son for all the great gifts. Next time I'll take the flowers. Cold from hubby, ear infection from son, pinkeye from hubby. I just want to take a bath in a vat of Clorox.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Freedom!
After two and a half weeks of feeling like a prisoner to my family, I finally was pardoned today! I celebrated with a grown-up breakfast out with my best friend and a too-long shopping trip. My son went back to school today, and the husband finally went back to work on Monday after a two-week vacation. Why is it that when the family gets a vacation, Mom needs a vacation at the end? After the mess the boys made, I will be cleaning for a week!
The other thing that kept me feeling like a prisoner was the ongoing negotiations with the insurance company of the driver that hit my car in 08. My lawyer called and told me that a settlement is imminent. Great, I think, except that the other driver's insurance company is getting away with everything. Not only did this woman t-bone me at 30+ mph right in my drivers door, breaking my ribs and giving me a concussion from my head going through the driver's side window, but now her insurance company deems that $800 is enough to pay for the pain and suffering me and my son went through in the months after the accident. Tort reform in the State of Texas has hurt the little guys like me, the insurance companies won't pay for pain and suffering since they know that the laws are not in our favor if we take the case to a court of law. So basically I will receive enough to pay my lawyer, my medical bills, and the few other bills that I incurred.
Oh well...new year, turn a new page and get going! Happy New Year, y'all!!!
The other thing that kept me feeling like a prisoner was the ongoing negotiations with the insurance company of the driver that hit my car in 08. My lawyer called and told me that a settlement is imminent. Great, I think, except that the other driver's insurance company is getting away with everything. Not only did this woman t-bone me at 30+ mph right in my drivers door, breaking my ribs and giving me a concussion from my head going through the driver's side window, but now her insurance company deems that $800 is enough to pay for the pain and suffering me and my son went through in the months after the accident. Tort reform in the State of Texas has hurt the little guys like me, the insurance companies won't pay for pain and suffering since they know that the laws are not in our favor if we take the case to a court of law. So basically I will receive enough to pay my lawyer, my medical bills, and the few other bills that I incurred.
Oh well...new year, turn a new page and get going! Happy New Year, y'all!!!
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